a few days to go.....

Hello! Thanks for stopping by. This is my first entry of a blog that I will update from Cameroon. Except, at the moment, I’m not actually in Cameroon, yet.

Just a little background, in case I haven’t seen you for a while. I’m going for a semester with a program called School for International Training (SIT). While I’m there, I’ll live with several host families and take classes in French on Cameroonian culture and development. For the first month I’ll be in Dschang, a university town, and then I’ll be going to Ngaoundéré, a town in a Northern region of the country. The last month I’ll have an opportunity to choose where I would like to go for an independent study project. I’ll probably choose a topic relating to my major, religious studies, or my minor, theatre.

I'm leaving in a couple days, and my feelings are similar to those of the countless students who have studied abroad before me. For one, I have the same giddy feeling I get when I have a crush on someone. I can’t stop thinking about Cameroon, and every little detail I learn about the country seems fascinating. That’s not to say that I don’t have my anxieties. One hundred “what ifs” seem to dangle above my bed every night as I fall asleep. What if I’m sick the whole time? What if I’m lonely? What if my host families don’t like me? I’ve packed two bags chock full of stuff, but what if its not the right stuff?

And then there is that other question that keeps coming to me: why am I doing this? My aunt Jeanette asked me this question a few weeks ago over brunch at Teaism and I couldn't seem to articulate a response that sounded and felt right. I know the quick and easy answer: I'm going because it sounds like fun, and an important and interesting way to supplement my education as a religious studies major and as a human being.

But, of course, it’s more complicated than that. The United States has a complex and troubling history with Africa, and I can’t escape being a part of that as I go to Cameroon. I’d like to think I have some grander reasons for what I’m doing. However, seeing the hilarious and thought-provoking play THE UNMENTIONABLES at Woolly Mammoth Theatre reminded me of how arrogant and silly it is for Americans to go abroad believing that they have the knowledge and expertise to improve lives and solve all problems.

So, for the moment, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is okay if I don’t know exactly what I’ll be getting out of this semester. I’m going to commit to being ready and open to experience what’s there. Maybe I’ll only figure out why I went when I get back.